10 Principles of a Successful Marriage
By Frankie Doiron
Successful, happy marriages don't just happen. They require attention, commitment, work and skill. The following 10 Principles will help couples create the type of marriage we all want.
1. You are accountable for the success of all your relationships.
Whether you accept it or not, you are accountable for the success or failure of your relationships. What you bring to your relationships (your beliefs, attitudes, choices, behaviors, and actions) will impact your relationships -- positively or negatively.
Choose to be conscious of what you are thinking and how you are acting, so that you can make choices that will support rather than sabotage your relationships.
2. You have to GIVE more than you expect to RECEIVE.
Treat your partner the way you would love to be treated in all areas of your relationship. Don't hold back because you may not be receiving what you are giving them. Be an example and guide for your partner, showing him/her how to love and give without any expectation of reciprocity. By doing so you will be creating a new way of relating that your partner will want to emulate.
3. You need to know who you are and what you want.
Being clear about who you are and what you want in life and your marriage will bring a powerful sense of fulfillment and purpose to your life. Without having these guidelines for living, you will always feel unsettled and think you are missing something important--when in reality, what you want is probably right in front of you.
4. Be the marriage partner you want to be with.
You need to be the partner you want to be with. In other words, if you want to be with a partner who is kind, affectionate and considerate, you need to BE that person first. You can't expect your partner to treat you differently from the way you treat him/her.
5. Gain relationship knowledge and skills.
Marriage is the most important relationship you have and yet, it is the one area of life where most people lack the basic knowledge and skills needed to ensure success. Do something about it. Acquire the help you need to improve your knowledge and relationship competencies.
6. Be a strong advocate for your marriage.
Recognize and honor your marriage for what it is -- the most important relationship you have; more important than any other, including the one you have with your children. Defend it, cherish it, enjoy it. Don't denigrate it or your partner. It is a sacred bond.
7. Be committed to your relationship and your partner.
Commitment is a promise. When you said your wedding vows you promised to commit to your relationship and your partner, for life. Be a person of your word and do whatever it takes to honor the commitment you made. Commitment is the glue that will hold you together during challenging times, and will carry you through the impossible. Couples who stay together through difficult times report that their marriage is happier and stronger.
8. Your relationship and partner mirror you and are the instruments of your growth.
Often our greatest personal growth comes from challenges and adversity. Marriage is not always an easy path, but if you can get out of the way of your own drama, you can develop in ways that is not otherwise possible. Marriage is a vehicle for great personal transformation.
9. The most important legacy you can leave your children is the example of your own successful relationship.
Because most people lack relationship skills and knowledge they struggle to create successful relationships. Most people have never had the opportunity to see a role model of a happy marriage. By creating and living in a successful marriage you will be providing your children and grandchildren with guidelines for their own success.
10. You can do anything you want when you set your mind to it.
You have more power and control over your thoughts and attitudes than you know. If you decide you want to have a happy marriage, you can achieve it. But you must want it first.
You can transform your marriage into something that is magnificent and fulfilling, no matter how you feel about each other now, or what issues have caused you pain. It is your choice to make. Choose love. Choose your marriage. If you need help, get it.
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